I had a pretty chilled out weekend. Saturday I floated about not doing much for most of the day as I felt kind of tired. Luke and Karolina slept in till gone 1pm after their late night WOW exploits. I spent the morning trying to find something to do for Fathers Day as well as just looking at general things to do in London for free or very little. In the evening I made a nice dinner with lots of help from Edward, Shellie and Simon came round as they had a party in Camden and so were staying the night with us. It was most amusing as Simon said hello to Edward who though it would be delightful to smear rusk on Simon and his nice party clothes, and when Simone exclaimed 'ew' Edward burst into tears, obviously very distressed that his 'decorating' efforts were not appreciated!
Sunday we had planned to go to a posh restaurant who were doing a special Father's Day lunch, however poor Luke felt so ill with hay-fever that we canceled it in the end. However he did of course still get his lovely card which Edward 'made' me cover in glitter hehe, as well as some hankies with 'Daddy' embroidered on them which I ordered ages ago specially.
I think Luke felt a bit down, a bad combination of hay-fever and his ongoing struggle with being a daddy, that wasn't helped by the fact it was Father's Day. He is a perfectly good and capable daddy and he loves Edward very much, just in typical Luke fashion he constantly thinks he isn't good enough and that he's not ready, as always it just comes down to self belief and self confidence, both of which I'm sure will grow in time.
As Luke wanted to sleep, and we were hungry, we left him to it and went off down the road to the same Thai place Shellie and I went to last time she was here, and yet again had a very scrummy lunch. We then walked across Hyde Park, where we parted ways, Shellie and Simon went off to Victoria to get the train home and Edward and I had a think about what to do. I was going to just go home, but then decided it was such a nice day it seemed a waste to stay inside, and that I was bored of being inside, so we went to the Marylebone Summer Fayre.
I have noticed that I'm almost a bit manic at the moment about 'doing stuff' I think that I'm just so aware that my lung function is really low, and having seen the stories of so many end-stage cf people who just become totally trapped indoors I am desperate to make sure I don't waste the time I have. I'm going to be trapped inside for months if not years capable of doing next-to-nothing, so I feel I should make the most of the freedom I have now, while I'm still lucky enough to have it.
The fayre was very busy and there was lots going on, mostly foodie, Edward particularly liked all the people Salsa dancing in the street so I lifted him out of his buggy so he could get a better look. Overall though it left me feeling a bit bummed out and lonely, as though Edward is fantastic company you can't really chat to him about stuff, or appreciate things on the same level, so we walked home. It did make me look forward even more to this chummy-mummy meet next week, and more determined to be brave and go ahead with it.
That evening Luke and I had a bit of a chat about stuff, as I've been getting a bit frustrated with doing stuff on my own all the time, and him being apathetic about almost everything. His hay-fever, daft as it sounds, is a major obstacle as it just prevents us going outside and all the free stuff is outside really, such as park visiting. He is also painfully shy and not really into going and meeting new people. I'm shy too, but much better at forcing myself to be brave and ignore it, and I REALLY want to make some new chums in London. Though the ones we have are awesome we don't have many, and they are often busy so it would be nice to have more.
Overall it turned out to be quite a constructive conversation and left me feeling a lot better about things. Luke is very sneaky and does things in the middle of the night and never tells me about them...like applying to Google....I wish he would tell me as I always get cross with him for doing nothing and then find out actually he's done loads!!
I will never learn :o)
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