Yummy Scrummy Dinner Party!

Starter - Chicken stuffed with basil and hazlenuts served with fresh pesto and mixed olives

Main - Treacle duck with date and parsnip purée, lemon curd carrots and the crispiest roast potatoes known to man!

Pudding - Pear and Belgian Chocolate Cake with squirty cream!

Do not fear dear readers you haven't accidentally ended up on Edward's weaning blog, that is just the menu for my fantabulous dinner party :o)

After alot of planning and contemplating a myrid of things many of which involved grapefruit I finally settled on the above. We made a special trip over to Waitrose near the library as I wanted to get decent ingrediants rather than manky Somefield stuff. The store was really nice, so much tidier and better presented that Scummers, but they didn't have any duck breasts which was most annoying.

We came back to Edgware, Luke started to take stuff off the buggy to take home, but I suggested he may aswell just take Edward back to the flat with the shopping, and I'd try popping up to the delicatesen, which was stupid of me I should have taken Edward home and let Luke go duck hunting. He made me promise not to go to the butchers at Marylebone though as it is too far and he was worried about me. I went to the delcatessen who also didn't have any duck breasts, it was a toss up as to whether it was less far to walk to Somefield or to the bus stop to get the bus to Selfridges. In the end I plummed for Selfridges and hopped on the bus. I had a nice mooch round the foodhall and very nearly bought a stupendous cake, but resisted and instead sampled and bought lots of olives and some fresh pesto aswell as the duck.

I came home and cooked it all up, Luke was annoyed with me as he was worried I was overdoing it :o( I was sorry that I'd worried him I hadn't meant to. Edward crawled all the way from the far side of the lounge to the kitchen to see what I was up to, which was very sweet, though he kept trying to fiddle with the bin so he had to go back.

Everything went quite well, though just as Raj arrived I was having a rather self-indulgent panic hehe! We sat about and chatted a bit and Luke showed Raj the clip of Spore while the starter finished cooking, then we all sat down to eat, it was most tasty and I was so pleased because the chicken did the spiral thing it was supposed to!

There was then a bit of a lull as I decided it was better to eat at a sedate pace and eat well, than try and be snazzy and serve stuff up one after the other and end up wrecking it all! Not too long later though we had the main course and it was most tasty. I think the quantities were way out on the parsnip and date puree though as I ended up with a huge bowl of it, when to be honest, you can't really eat more than a generous spoonful, no matter though it all got frozen for Edward.

We then had a longer rest between mains and pudding as we were all feeling a bit stuffed. We chatted and Luke sorted out 'Company of Heros' on Raj's computer, the long term plan is to have lots of people round LAN all the computers and the boys will all play together and I shall make nachos and other tasty foods...the perfect evening!

The pudding, brought by Raj, was SO nice, we all looked at it concerned it was going to be too dense and sweet and that we may die, however it actually turned out to be really light moist cake, which balanced well with the sticky chocolate, cream and pears inside.

Towards the end of the evening I had to have a bit of a puff on my bird as I was feeling really breathless, but overall I wasn't as bad as I had been the night before which was a relief. Raj evenutally headed off home it is always SUCH a pleasure to see him, and next time he said he may well bring his new girlie!! Most exciting :o)

The Return Of High Priestess Tor

Many moons ago a story began that went a little like this....

Chapter 1

The Beginning

In a small village called Am-thill on the edge of a dark forest was an institute of knowledge known as the Red-Bornè. Three children all born to come into power studied the moving of the universe there and forged a friendship that would see them through many long hours of darkness.

Lord Jarmies Marquis of the region of Brogborough was a wild character even in the early days. Insane of mind he always proved loyal to the cause and had a particular affiliation with ‘sticky’ spots, and so proved handy for getting out of them.

Prince Adme Lord of the Bog of Eternal Stench, born to rule his vast swamp empire when he came of age, settled well into the position of leader of the group. Fiercely loyal and devoted, a true caring soul he would the form the core of the trio around which their formidable power and light would gather.

Finally Tor, they all knew she was special. The Dean of Red-Bornè, Professor Brook, had her marked as someone who would change the world.

Chapter 2

The Coming of The Priestess

An insignificant journey it had seemed at first, a simple pilgrimage to the musical temple of Marillion. But as Tor had stood in the falling Autumn snow looking up at the high windows of the shrine a vision had come to her. Colourful strands of wool woven together in a scarf of power. Upon her return to Red-Bornè Tor began to knit.

Many months she spent closeted in corners of the institute furiously weaving together the rainbow coloured strands of yarn until finally it was done.

A scarf nigh on 20 feet in length and imbued with the power of light. Every colour of the rainbow glistened from the bright threads as she ran the completed work through her hands. ‘Adme it is done’ Tor cried out!

‘Hurrah’ Adme cried! Then Jarmies came running up to see what was going on ‘Oh wow that scarf should not exist!’ he shouted with glee grabbing the scarf and running round the room with it.

....Sadly the rest of the adventures were lost in the mists of time, broken phones and deleted text messages, which is a terrible shame as they were quite hilarious and told wild tales of sailing over vast oceans in washing baskets eating jelly-babies and drinking pink champagne. Also distant now is the tale of how, for one grand, perfect and beautiful day High Priestess Tor became a Goddess, but from that she fell, she fell a long way, until she lay broken holding nothing more than a ring that was just a band of gold and a twenty foot scarf muddy at it's ends.

Thus High Priestess Tor's days of knitting drew to a close, and the scarf full of faded magic and mud was folded away and put at the back of the wardrobe on the threshold of Narnia where it belongs, only dug out on the rare occasions that she is reunited with her Marquis and Prince.

That is until today.

The wool has gotten more tasteful, and the general aims a lot less fantastical, but nevertheless begun again has the knitting and returned has the priestess.

The finest Chocolatier to ever befriend a Spaniard

Today has been one of awesome fun and giggles!

After a terrible nightmare overnight where I never made it to Reading thanks to 'Bianca' from Eastenders and an overdue library DVD I ended up waking up relatively early paranoid it may come true and I may accidentally miss my day out.

I was quite nervous and excited as I haven't really been on a day trip with Edward to see a friend outside of London, so I worried I would forget to pack something. Sometime later and totally over-packed we headed out to Paddington via the post-office to post the faulty rat-trap back to the Amazon.

The train journey wasn't the most pleasant as it was packed with Reading festival goers some of which were rather unaware of their bulging rucksacks. I did however get a seat and spent the journey softly stroking the sleeping Edward's fluffy head.

We pulled into the Ding, it was SO nice to be back, this place has been many things to me over the years, but without fail is somewhere I have a good time, so well after a year of promising myself I was going to go it was really satisfying to finally be here!

We fought our way off the platform past all the be-wellied and be-tented ones and met Mr Chris by the door. We made a b-line for the festival-goer-free part of town and ended up by the canal where there was a small 'beach' that had obviously been set up for the summer. We were very tempted to let Edward to go mad in the sand, but decided that having a sand filled baby for the rest of the afternoon would be unwise, so we just sat and chatted and got given freebies by some girls from Lush :o)

After much debating and much indecisiveness on my part we eventually decided to go to New Orleans or was it Old Orleans? I doubt it's age makes much difference, it had table cloths you could draw on and that sold it to me! We had yummy foods and drew many beautiful pictures of our old characters from the role-play game we used to be in together where he was a Spaniard and I was cat highly skilled in the art of chocolate making....for no reason at all and for one day only Batman joined the party too!

We were tempted to take the table cloth at the end but decided a photo would suffice
I think it is fairly obvious which ones the talented Mr Chris drew and which ones I scrawled!

After main lunch we headed over to Krispy Kreme for pudding. I have seen these shops with increasing frequency and have heard many people rave about them. I must admit they were most tasty, by far the best doughnut I've had in years, and not too overpriced especially in comparison to any cakes from somewhere like Starbucks.

We then went to John Lewis to buy me some wool as my knitting needles arrived this morning. I am planning to join a knitting group so keep you eyes peeled for that forthcoming adventure. Afterwards and clearly in need of more wool, two balls not being enough for someone who can't actually knit, we decided to brave the ever so slightly creepy family run department store where they still write receipts by hand and send money round the building through weird vacuum powered tubes. It turned out to be much more affordable that John Lewis and is where all my future wool purchases shall be made...Mr Chris can't wait ;o)

It was actually a lot more sunny than this photo indicates...
....hurrah for over packing though as it meant we had a blanket

We then decided to go up to the park and sit in the sunshine, which is what we did indeed do, and where we spent the rest of the afternoon chilling, chatting and trying to persuade Edward that leaves and Mr Chris's shoes did not constitute good food....I don't know you feed a baby one chip and a crumb of doughnut and they go junk-food craaaaaaaaazy!!

Everybody has a fetish for Mr Chris' shoes it would seem!

It was finally time for Edward and I to head home and for Mr Chris to wander off to band practice, he walked us up to the station and we managed to get almost straight on a train, but not before I accidentally blasted poor Edward in the face with the hand dryer in the loo...ooops!! Quite funny though mwhaha!

All in all and utterly fantastic day and now I know how close it is, and how easy it is to get there, I'm sure I will once again become a regular visitor to the glorious glorious land of the Ding.

You've got to have Faith

I sell this pretty baby to you pretty lady... I give you good price...free dribble!

We had a chilled out morning Edward and I had a lovely breakfast together, he did really well feeding himself. I finally managed to do the washing today and Luke did the kitchen all good.

In the afternoon Faith, a friend of mine from uni came over and we had a good girlie gossip and cuddled Edward, she was amazed by how much he had grown and how much more aware and interactive he is now compared to when we went for a picnic back at the start of the summer. She has also (foolishly) added herself enthusiastically to our list of babysitters, hurrah! So hopefully she is going to watch him one afternoon in a week or so's time so Luke and I can go and see The Dark Knight at the I-max cinema.

In the evening all three of us cuddled up and watched more Trigun, I'm loving it more and more, Vash is so awesome, he reminds me alot of Luke :o) The best bit was when Edward decided to grab Luke's face so he couldn't turn his head and 'forced' him to keep watching!! Hehe!!

I love my boys and I love my life, I am a lucky lucky girl :o)

Sunday Lunch and TOOTHIE-PEGS!

It's been a quiet few days since the butterfly trip, we did mean to go and see a Chinese Theatre production in Trafalgar Square but got up too late in the end!

I have to say it will be REALLY nice to put Edward back in his own room tomorrow once Uncle Fred has gone home. He's a gorgeous baby but I've been sleeping in the same room or bed as him for over a week now and he's been in our room quite a lot before that as we've had various people staying over, I think we just unsettle each other, my coughing wakes him and his shuffling and grunting wakes me!! This morning I actually evicted him, cot and all, from our room as I desperately needed more sleep!

Today we had my old friends Gosia and Bartek over for Sunday lunch. We had roast porky-workies and the crackling worked really well which I was very pleased about. We mostly just caught up on what each of us has been doing as we haven't seen each other for a few months.

By far the most exciting thing to have happened is that Edward has finally cut his first little tooth! It explains why he's been so grumbly and horrible recently, I just hope we get a bit of a break before the next one comes through as it's not nice to have him so unsettled all the time as he obviously isn't happy.

Butterflies and Cake

Today has been a lovely day. After a lazy start my Mummy Chummy Shaune and her son Xander picked Edward and I up and we drove across town to the Natural History Museum.

When we got there, there were signs saying 'buggy park' and we got worried we'd have to carry the boys round, but hoped we wouldn't have to as both of them are quite chunky now. However when we bought our tickets it became clear we did have to carry them, we hesitated a little but decided that we should do it anyway as we'd planned this all week, and I've actually been wanting to go to see this for ages.

There was a maze thing where you could get a card stamped at all the different sections, however the boys were too young for it and we were too old! We both agreed it would have been really fun if they'd just been a bit older. At the end of the maze was the butterfly house.

We went through and were immediately hit by the heat and humidity, all four of us instantly started sweating which was a bit of a worry with the babies. They both instantly spotted the butterflies and both were totally entranced watching them fluttering around and eating from the flowers and settling on the leaves. They were really beautiful, all such vivid colours, some of them were so large though they were a bit unnerving.

We walked round slowly letting both of the babies have a good look at everything, whilst also of course having a good look ourselves. We had a bit of a perch on the bench as our arms were killing us by that point and took some photos, both of us agreed we don't have enough photos of us with our babies, nor do either of us have many 'family photos' so it was nice to take a couple, it was a shame we didn't have the buggies or it would have been a bit easier, and we would have been able to take some of the butterflies too, but never mind.

When we came out it was such a relief, though previously it had felt muggy, in comparison to the hot butterfly house it felt positively fresh!

We then walked down to the gorgeous cakie shop :o) It does the most magical tasty fairy-tale cakes covered in ridiculous amounts of colourful icing and sprinkles in all the world!! I finally got to try their red-velvet cake, I had bought one before along with a pink cake one time when I was in the Brompton, though I gave the red-velvet cake to my friend Sam who had been stuck in for ages and needed cheering up.

We chatted and ate our cakes, and when we finished we headed back to the car as Xander was starting to get hungry, poor thing he's also teething quite badly so wasn't a very happy chap.

In the car on the drive home Xander was crying and it frightened Edward and made him cry, it was so funny as they kept setting each other off. Shaune and I decided we would be like those horrible mothers that make you play with a child you don't like just because the mums are friends!!

All in all a lovely day out and I'm really pleased that I've managed to do a 'baby thing' as I've been a bit rubbish recently at getting up and out and making myself do things....you never know we may make it to the swimming pool tomorrow!

Shopping and Pie

It's been a rather busy couple of days here at the ranch.

Yesterday I went off in search of flexible ice-cube trays for putting puree in as it is not proving practical using pots as I don't have enough of them nor a big enough freezer to be able to do the kind of variety I want. I also decided that I wanted to get some individual pie bowls as I thought my steak and ale pie would work better if it was made in a bowl rather than being just meat on a plate with a piece of pastry placed on-top.

I headed out to Oxford St. and left Edward behind as it's easier without him. I went in a few shops comparing prices and availability before getting the ice cube trays from House of Frasier and then a rolling pin, potato masher and pie-bowls from John Lewis where I was helped by a rather crazy shop assistant who spent about fifteen minutes telling me all about her Swarovski Crystal animal collection... quite how she managed to get from 'Where are the ice-cube trays?' to that remains beyond me!


I then headed home via la supermarche where I got the ingredients though I had to phone Luke and get him to come and carry it home as it was too heavy as I bought lots of heavy vegetables!

When I got in I started the cooking as Steak and Ale pie has to cook for hours in order to be any good, it was quite exciting as this time not only did I have my fantastic new bowls but I was also using a new type of ale, specifically BADGER Ale!!!


Anyone who knows me knows I have something of a mild on-running love of badgers, I think it began with my Sylvania's and was cemented during the days I played a character called Gem who owned a war badger rather fittingly called Baddie who in one particular fight managed to kill a guard single handedly by biting him in the nuts!

Not long into the cooking Aaron arrived, followed a while later by Chris and Andy. It was lovely to see them as they haven't been over since our last pie night, personally I would have cooked something different but I was overwhelmed with demands for pie that I could not refuse.

We had actually been trying to arrange this dinner for a while but given a variety of factors we kept having to cancel until it got to the point that Andy was having 'Homer in the land of Chocolate' style dreams of pie, and Chris was becoming concerned that Andy may actually mistake him for a piece of ale dripped steak and eat him in the night!

We all sat down to eat (minus Aaron who had to go and pick up some stuff) and we ate lots and it was tasty and we had fairy cakes for puddings for which Luke made some very questionable looking icing that not too surprisingly only he and I ate. The boys all then played Call of Duty 4 together (which they had been doing before dinner too) until it was time for Chris and Andy to go home to bed as it was a school night. All in all very good fun!!

The rest of the evening wasn't so great as Edward was unwell and crying, we had to have him in the bed with us in the end and it took him a long time to settle and he woke frequently in the night. However come the morning he'd cheered up and was clearly feeling better and so I took him out with me, I also wanted to give Luke a chance to sleep as he did most of the night-care.

Today I had lots to do that involved running around town quite a bit. Firstly I had to go to the Library which is over by Paddington, I then had get my Freedom Pass done which also involved getting passport photos though thankfully there was a machine there though it cost £4.20!!

After that Edfart and I headed to Camden as I wanted to get a video I have, of a very old version of 'The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe' that Fleur, Shellie and I used to watch as kids transferred to DVD as a wedding present for Fleur, however sadly in the month or so since I was last there the shop has closed ARGH!!! Serves me right for not being more organised and getting it done sooner, though thankfully later Luke managed to find it on Amazon hurrah!

I then headed to Oxford St. as I realised that I didn't really have a bag that I could use this weekend that is a) big enough and b) able to sling over Edward's buggy. So lots of mooching and shopping and a spot of lunch later I came home with a FANTASTIC huge zebra bag, lots of clothes for Luke some new bedding (as I'm bored of what we have) some shoes to go with my dress for the wedding and a belt...hurrah for Primark :o)

This evening has been pretty laid back, I spent a few hours making a card for Fleur as I decided it would be gorgeous to do a tree with paper leaves all individually sewn on, it is pretty, but not something that could ever go into mass production I don't think haha!

Edward started feeling unwell again late in the evening and we had some more tears and lots of snot, so I've given him lots of cuddles and milk and hope that tonight he makes it through the night in his own bed and that he feels a lot better tomorrow.

Obviously things will be quiet the next few days, but I shall return with pictures of the wedding and lots of lovely stories I'm sure :o)

Fleur-Bert!

A very old and very dear friend of mine Fleur came to visit with my sister Shellie and her boyfriend Simon. Fleur was a girl we have known since we were little and we grew up like sisters spending weeks at a time at each others houses only to finally be taken home and ending up staying at the other persons house! Sadly she moved away to Thailand and so we mostly lost touch with her as that was the dark days before the interweb and the glories of facebook.

However she has finally come home to England and is actually getting married next Friday, an event to which we are invited hurrah! She was up in London sorting out the last few bits for said wedding and arranging details with Shellie who is going to be her maid of honour ( I think!)

They arrived Thursday and we sat chatting and I showed off Edward to a very delighted Fleur, then we went out to dinner leaving Luke in the safety of the pollen free house helpfully babysitting. Fittingly enough we went to the Thai place at the end of my street and it was nice as Fleur could talk to the staff in Thai, though the waiter did a real double take when she first started speaking to him. She was quite amused by the coconut rice as in Thailand it's only really eaten as a pudding with mango, something I already knew, but I don't care it's so tasty I could eat bowls of it just on it's own :o)

The next day we all went shopping on Oxford street as Fleur wanted to get some stockings to complete her bridal outfit aswell as a dress for the next day. We had fun in Ann Summers, especially Edward who ate his breakfast there whilst giving his best flirty eyes to the manikins that he thought were real ladies...bless!

We spent hours in Monsoon and found a perfect dress for Fleur in Laura Ashley though had to get a nicer ribbon for it in John Lewis. Shellie then had to go as she had patients, but Fleur and I stayed on and had lunch in the cafe at the top of John Lewis as it has a nice view, and also rather fantastically gives out free baby food!

It was a really good fun girly day though a bit of a mad rush at the end as tragically there had been an accident on Oxford Street and it was closed and so we couldn't get a bus and had to dash all the way home and then to Paddington to put Fleur on the train home.

Bertie-dogsitting and Grand Reunions

This weekend most of the Crossland's went to Berlin as our gorgeous friend Diana was having a big party in a castle. We couldn't really afford to go and so I offered to dog-sit as poor little Bertie is very unwell at the moment and not able to go to kennels.

He has a mix of complex conditions I don't really understand and is on a lot of complex medications including one that has to be injected and one that you can't touch with bare skin. Thankfully all that CF training came in handy and with the help of Mummy's notes I managed to do a pretty good job of looking after him, he even skipped a little and wagged his tail. Stroking him was heartbreaking though as he is so painfully thin, you can feel every single bone, and he's quite unsteady so shakes terribly from the effort when he crouches to go to the loo. Mr Squish (the cat) however was most supportive and came on walks with us and snuggled against Bertie for cuddles, it was a shame I didn't quite manage to get a snap of it as it was really heartwarming.

The best thing about being 'home' however was that it gave me a rare opportunity to see a couple of my very best friends in all the world, namely Prince Adme of The Bog of Eternal Stench and Marquis Jarmies of Bogborough :o) We tried to work out when the three of us were all in a room together at the same time and came up with the horrid suspicion it had been at my wedding five years ago...shame on us.

Freakishly Adme was at the train station when I arrived and so gave me a lift home, then he came back later that afternoon and we went out for lunch/dinner with Jarmies at an all you can eat in MK which was fantastic as it offered a wide range of food. We had a few issues with a waitress who tried to take Jarmies' plate when he'd barely touched it, and then spent the rest of the evening trying to barge me to the floor as I went to and fro with my plate (we suspect we overheard us talking about her and enacted revenge upon poor little me as I looked like the easiest target!) All in all it was great and we didn't stop laughing except to shovel food haha!

That evening Adme came back to mine and we died his hair, it didn't quite come out the shade showed on the box, it was more reddish, however it looked really good and solved the problem of Adme's eyebrow's being too dark compared to his hair...quite a major problem I'm sure you'll agree. After that I did some cupping, moxa and acupuncture on him, it's been a while since I did such a full on treatment and I really enjoyed it.

I freaked out a little when I went to bed as I was in the house on my own and it hit me how out in the middle of nowhere I was as it was suddenly so dark and quiet.

Next morning I foolishly woke up at 6am panicked that it was time to do Bertie's meds and so ran downstairs, worried he had died in the night as he didn't stand up when I came out, but when I bent down to stroke him his little tail started wiggling...phew!

I worried I may not wake up again and so I gave him his meds a bit early then went back to bed, though typically I then couldn't get back to sleep, so instead I lazed about in bed reading FHM for a while. I then mooched downstairs and spent the day watching bad TV like Nanny 911 (which is criminally poorly editited so much that even I noticed the continuity errors!)

In the evening Adme came over again and we hung out, both of us were kind of tired and quiet but it was still really nice just to be in the same room and bitch about big-brother together :o) I dream-plotted to hire a large skip and throw out the entire contents of the house on the basis that there was nothing of high enough value to warrant the amount of stress and misery all the stuff causes my parents. There is just so much it's overwhelming and impossible to know where to start, I just wish I could afford to hire the woman I hired before to come back and give them more help as it seemed to have a good impact both practically and emotionally last time she visited them...though I have noticed that 'storing stuff in zip-lock bags' has become the new 'store stuff in boxes' ...bless them...one day it will be sorted and they are trying they just need to work as a team and be ruthless :o)

Monday I woke up a little later but still early. I did Bertie's bits and then spent the rest of the morning trying to do a bit of tidying for Mummy.

Late morning they all arrived home, they'd had a lovely time especially Daddy who'd been asked to DJ and had made such a good job of it that everyone asked him to do some more the next morning.

Daddy then gave me a lift to Bedford where I managed to get on a speedy train, they had hoped I'd stay and that they could take me out to dinner but I wanted to get home to Luke and Edward and due to my jammy train catching I was back in the smoke in about 30/40 minutes. I was very tired though and not feeling well so it was a really physical effort to get to the bus, and then from the bus-stop to the house. When I got in Luke had run me a bath which I got straight into, then I had a lay down on the bed with my oxygen till I felt a little better.

I then had to go to the dentist which I didn't fancy but thankfully it turned out to be a very quick consultation as she was just doing an assessment, I have to go back next week for the work :o(

When I got home Aaron was over, later Mr Vince arrived. I must admit I was a bit anti-social and laid in the bed on my O2 as I felt crap. After a while we started moving the lounge around, it took a lot of effort and experimenting but now it looks really good :o) Half way through Chitzi arrived which was fantastic as we haven't seen her for ages, she cuddled Edward, who, just like Luke and I formed an instant appreciation of her giant boobs!!

Hospital Admission

Sadly my photo is a bit boring, I got distracted by the match, but it gives you and idea of what it was like!

Well it was a bit of a varied one this time, I wasn't hugely ill which made a really nice change, I said to the taxi driver who took me over that it made such a nice difference to be going in and knowing I wasn't going to be chained to the oxygen when I got there.

My blows on admission were really good, so good in fact I felt quite guilty for being there. The plan was just for a bog standard 10-14 days of IV's. For the first few days I was in one of the private rooms which was really nice and had a sofa, but I knew it wasn't destined to last so I didn't get too comfortable.

The admission was mixed in it's success, my lung function actually went down, and I didn't feel any better by the end of it, however I didn't feel any worse.

I was lucky enough to take part in a clinical trial investigating the effectiveness of muscular physio on correcting the curvature of my spine and generally mobilizing my rib-cage. It was very interesting to take part it as we chatted about all sorts of complementary therapy concepts while we worked. It made me feel a lot better and straighter and the difference in the measurements was shockingly good, all in all a major success. I just really hope that the trial is a success and the secure funding for regular treatments.

Unfortunately my whole system is always under such strain there is no quick-fix, I need constant maintenance, for years I've felt guilty about my posture, but the physio treating me was very supportive and encouraging. She said although obviously there were things I could do to help myself it is just the natural thing for my body to do, breathing comes before good posture in the body's order of priorities, and I have to say it's a wise subconscious decision .She also said it was partly cultural, partly from a sedate lifestyle, but also when we see other people stood in poor positions sadly we are liable to copy them, the body is kind of lazy like that!

Other things of note that happened...

I went home and cuddled my boys and watched Dr Who, which though not earth-shattering was a lovely thing to do. I really enjoyed the fact they were so close as I could nip home and see them and still participate in Edward's care, I got to feed him, bath him and put him to bed a few times. It is also much nicer to be snuggled on the sofa with Luke at home, than cramped on the bed with nurses and tea-ladies and goodness knows who else coming in my room staring at us.

Finally and most excitingly of all my dear friend Raj managed to get us tickets for center court at Wimbledon!!! I ran a bit late getting there thanks to pharmacy who had managed to send my drugs to the wrong ward, however it wasn't too bad and Raj had made himself useful helping out the wardens directing people towards Wimbledon.

We skipped down towards the courts under clear blue skies and on the hottest day of the year so far, by the time we got there the atmosphere was already buzzing, everyone was mincing about in lovely summer dresses, blazers and straw boaters (which Raj pretended to hate, but secretly I think he was jealous)

We mooched about looking at the courts, watching people warming up, and just generally soaking in the atmosphere, I think everyone was on a high from the gripping Murry match that had taken place the night before all secretly hoping they'd be lucky enough to be part of something equally gripping, and of course the streaming sunshine helped.

Eventually it was getting close to time for the match on center court to begin and so we furnished ourselves with Pims and water and took our seats. We each picked a random unpronounceable girl to back. It was a good match, though it went on for a long time, and sadly right at the end poor Raj came over quite faint and we had to go out so he could recover and so we missed the end!

I then did my IV in the medical room (well finished it off) and so missed most of the Serena Williams match, we came back just in time for the end. What I saw was impressive even from the gods where we were sat you could sense what an intense and powerful woman she is, I'd be quite intimidated if I ever had to face her I think.

It was quite surreal to actually be at center court having seen it for so many years on TV. I really missed having the little purple and green BBC graphics to tell me what was going on score wise and almost hallucinated them into place on several occasions. On the upside it was really interesting to see around the edges of the court and spend more time watching the inter-ball girl/boy politics, though in fairness they were terribly impressive and professional, one girl in particular was incredibly sharp, almost robotic in her movements....we think she has a promising career in the armed forces :o)

We then watched the mens doubles which was very different in style and pretty good, the match went on for a shorter length of time than the first womens match which made following it much easier and more interesting. To end we got to see some of the senior mens doubles, which was more of a comedy act than anything else as they took the mickey out of themselves for being so old, it was quite a nice end after the intensity of the earlier matches.

We didn't stay to the end though as we were a bit bored of being sat inside center court by then, so we went for a last wander round the site, had a mooch round the gift shop, and watched the very impressive junior womens doubles finish off their match. We then wandered down to the train station, we debated getting the bus but decided the £2.50 they wanted to charge was a total swizz, I regretted it a little half way up the very long steep hill, but felt smug once I got to the top.

It was a really magical day and something I'd highly recommend to anyone should they ever get the chance....tick 'thing to do before I die - go to Wimbledon' off my long list :o)

Thankyou Raj

Mummy Chummys and Sling making

I was a little late leaving the house this morning and then managed to get on the wrong bus. I had planned to go to Hyde Park corner and then walk down to Green Park where I was supposed to be meeting my new mummy-chummy Louise. Instead however I ended up getting on a bus to Oxford St. there was a bus from there to Green Park but it didn't look like it was going to arrive soon, and I was already running late and so walked down. It was quite a long way, and some of it was uphill, but I made it there and never saw the bus go past so clearly made the right choice.... go little lungs go!!

We then had a leisurely wander through the park chatting about lots of different baby things, such as births, weaning, dummy's etc. it may not sound very exciting, but I still find it very enjoyable to talk about it with other mummy's and find out what their opinions are. It was really nice as though I think Louise are in some ways quite different people (she's much more sociable and into going out than me) our attitudes to our babies are really similar.

Neither of us are sticklers for routines or any kind of evangelical extremes, though we know when to put our foot down (for example controlled crying) mostly we appreciate that babies are babies and that just going with the flow seems to be the happiest approach for all.

We had a nice tasty lunch, all the waiters and waitress' at the restaurant kept coming out to make a fuss of our babies, though I love the attention and it's nice to have people excited to see Edward and tell me how beautiful he is, I always feel a little bit shy about it and never know quite what to say. Little Amelie loved the attention and was smiling and chatting away. It was so amazing to me to hear her little voice, though she made similar noises to Edward her voice was SO different, I'd never really thought of Edward sounding like a little boy before, but having heard her there is clearly a difference.

After lunch we wandered back up to Trafalgar Square so Louise could get her train home. I was going to get the bus home, but decided while I was out I could go and find some fabric for making a sling for Edward. I went to Liberty, I've never been there before, and I couldn't actually afford anything they sold, but it is the most beautiful shop full of stunning fabrics, clothes, jewelery everything really. There was so much creative talent crammed into their products I left feeling really inspired. If I ever had the money to do a proper interior design project in my home I would defiantly go there. I also plan to take Thea as it is just the kind of gorgeous arty place she would love.

A woman in the haberdashery department gave me directions to some shops nearby that she thought may sell what I was looking for (Liberty is too posh for fleece!) I got a little lost, but I'd actually looked at this part of town on the map before I came out and so had a rough idea of where I was headed and without too much drama found my way to Berwick St. I looked in one store that had a fantastic array of colourful and interesting fabrics, however sadly no fleece. They suggested a different store, that did have some fleece, however having had a chat with the assistant I ended up getting a sort of thick cotton/jersey type fabric in a shockingly tasteful grey/blue which we both agreed would probably be more appropriate.

Thoroughly exhausted I headed home. I fed Edward his dinner (see his blog for piccies). I then made the sling which I'm quite pleased with, however I feel it's a bit big for Edward at the moment and he can't really see out of it that well, unless he dangles out the side of it like a cheeky monkey! I then ate very tasty Korma made by the very tasty Luke :o)

Sleeping, Barbecues and Budgets

A blurry Edward keeping a VERY tight hold on the sweeties!

Saturday was a very quiet day, none of us ever really got going, we just laid about cuddling and sleeping all day...it was gorgeous. We watched 'The Hulk' and I really made Luke giggle because I held Edward's arms up in a sort of body-builder pose and went 'grr' !!

Sunday we were a bit rubbish at getting-going again today, I think a bit of a hang-over from yesterday. We were supposed to be going to Vince's barbeque down in Worthing, however missed the 12 o'clock train, then left to get the 1 o'clock train with what we thought would be plenty of time to spare, however the buses conspired against us and despite trying to get a taxi to Victoria managed to miss that train too! Both now starving we each got a drink and a sandwich and sat and ate those, we then got some sweeties and hula-hoops for the long train journey.

We finally got to Worthing and Mr Vince picked us up from the train station. It was VERY weird to see him driving as though I knew he could I've only ever been with him in London and he never brings his car up here. Lots of his chums were over, and of course the ever gorgeous Lady Karolina. The girlies were very excited to see Edward and all thought he was gorgeous and very big for a six-month old...I think there perception may be rather Chinese based as he's kind of small because of being so premature....however I of course loved showing him off to new people as he is just so gorgeous :o) My cool sexy boys!

We all sat around eating and chilling....as it was very chilly in the wind hehe....and admiring Vince's fantastically well constructed barbecue, it was very enjoyable to be out of the city for a bit with friends in the sunshine. After a bit though we had to head home as we were both falling asleep and didn't want to get back too late.

Luke and I had lots of lovely cuddles that evening and watched a documentary following the story of The Kinky Boot Factory together while I did my physio and waited to be able to give Edward his last feed of the day. I've seen the documentary before and it's very moving, and reminds me of my own parents and their struggles and triumphs with their business. In the TV guide it implied that this was a follow up documentary and so we watched it all the way through hoping to see that the company had gone on to great success in the years since the program was first made. Sadly the TV guide lied... however a bit of googling later and we found that the company are very much alive and well hurrah for eccentric British business!!



Monday I had ambitious plans to go and buy fleece today as I found a pattern for a no-sowing Mei-Tei baby carrier which I plan to make. I would quite like to get a sowing machine so I can make a more advanced carrier, but even on ebay they are just too expensive to justify.

The hospital bed manager (who sounds terribly camp on the phone and makes me smile whenever he calls) called and said that he's going to do his best to get me admitted on Thursday. We had a bit of a joke over how it was SUCH a shame I had multi-resistant bugs as it means I have to have my own room, it's hard I know, and of course I'm much rather be in the bay with all the loud snoring sleep-apnoea patients with their constantly bleeping machines but my pseudomonas and I are just not that sociable haha!! Part of me is looking forward to going in, it's kind of nice to have the time and space to really focus on my lungs, and to have other people do all the hard work and motivation for me, however part of me is worrying about Luke and Edward and how they will possibly cope without me.

I then got distracted into doing the washing, and then going over the budget which is something I've been putting off for days. We have spent FAR too much this month, though most of it has been on bills and relatively essential 'new house' stuff too much of it has been frivolous. To help get our spending under control we are planning to print our budget out and stick in on the fridge as it's too easy to forget about it when it's tucked away in an Excel file. I've also bought a little book to write down everything I spend, this has two advantages 1) I will feel guilty if I have to write in it and so will think more carefully before spending the money in the first place 2) we will be able to see where the money is going, especially from those hole-in-the-wall withdrawals. While I was still feeling good and poor I went to the supermarket and managed to pick up a chicken for just £2 so tasty roast for us all.

Edward has really got into rolling now, however can still only do it one way and so keeps getting stuck on his tummy crying to be rescued and making himself sick!! Poor little monkey! He is also developing quite a hankie fetish, he loves covering his face with them and flapping them around, it's very funny to watch :o)

Luke and Karolina are playing WOW tonight with their cows, and I am watching them and laughing as Karolina keeps getting terribly annoyed and it's very cute!!


Edward shamelessly flirting with Karolina...watch out Vince!

Totally Retro Steak & Ale Pie

Well it's been another fantabulous day in my sparkly little world.

The morning was relatively chilled, I had LOVELY long cuddles with Luke as Edward was having a lie-in. I then pottered round the house and replied to a few e-mails.

Around one-ish I headed off to clinic where the news was ok. FEV1 was 1.23 or 38%, which was down a tincy bit, FVC was 2.20 or 59% which was up a bit, O2 sats were 95%. Overall I'm steady but I think things are on the brink of a down-turn as the sputum is looking thicker and greener and tasting pretty nasty. I want IV's so I can have a new port-a-cath fitted and still have plenty of time to recover before uni starts in September. It is also not really practical for Luke to find a placement when he knows he's going to have to take two weeks off in the near future to look after Edward, so it's best to wait till it's out of the way. I got put on some orals until they can get me a bed, and then they are going to try and sort out a theater slot to time up with the end of my IV's so I will be nice and well.

When I got home I changed and fed Edward, and then got on with cooking dinner :o) Steak and ale pie tastes better the longer you cook it. Edward came and sat in his bumbo and helped (i.e. chewed his wooden cooking spoon) while I chopped up the meat, I then sent him back into the lounge when I did the onions as I didn't want them to sting his eyes.

I then attempted to make potato cakes again (mainly as an excuse to use my new griddle pan) it was a very messy process that seemed to cover everything, including Luke who only popped his head round the door, in grated potato!

After a while Andy and Chris arrived, I commandeered a wine bottle as an impromptu rolling pin, cooked the veggies and the potato cakes and then dished up. Edward sat at the table so he could watch everyone eating, and I gave him some broccoli to play with. The potato cakes weren't that nice, Chris didn't like them at all, but Andy did, I think overall they still need work, next time I'm going to cook the potato then mash it and then try and fry it. All in all, aside from the dodgy experimental porme de terres dinner was very tasty :o) Everyone appreciated their pastry boobies (Chris had three) however a few nipples fell off along the way!

After dinner, having eaten Atari (as well as boobie) pastry, we decided to get the Mega-Drive out, yes you did read that right and no it's not 1990, we are just SO cool we've gone retro! Luke and Chris had lots of fun playing Golden Axe and then Streets Of Rage, however failed to get anywhere as they spent more time killing each other than the gribblies. While they did that I fed Edward some apple puree, and Andy fixed my wireless after struggling to find any guidance on my laptop, seriously even the company that made it are so embarrassed by it's crapness they don't support it on their site!

We then put in Micro Machines and the extra controllers and all played that, Luke owned everyone with his character who was rather shockingly called Ganja, however sadly just as things were getting intense and I was finally managing to stay on the screen for more than half a second the console crashed and we couldn't resurrect it...boo :o(

Chris's guide to girl hunting ....Find girl....take girl home and show her room of geekyness...if she stays booyah MOTHERLOAD!
(note Edward sleeping in the corner hehe SO cute!)

Mummy-Chummys!!

It was a lovely sunny day thankfully, perfect for our mummy-chummy meet in the park. I spent a bit long faffing and trying to make myself look presentable so left a bit later than I'd planned, as I didn't want to feel rushed and panicky I got a taxi over to the park, a bit of an extravagance considering I'm supposed to be being poor, but it was a special treat!

I walked up to the cafe and there were a couple of ladies sat there with buggies looking suspiciously like they were waiting for people. So I walked up and asked if they knew Charlotte (the lady that had arranged things) and one of them said yes that was her. Hurrah!!

It was a really pleasant afternoon, I think we were all sat chatting for about three hours! We talked about lots of things, all baby related pretty much, we talked about the hospitals where we had our babies, the joys of sterilizing all trying to work out at what point we can get away with not bothering any more haha, and the eternal evils of negotiating public transport.

Although obviously none of it was particularly earth shattering, it was really nice to just chat about these sorts of things with other people who are going through it at pretty much the same time as me, as just by chance all our children are around the same age, just a couple of months apart at most. Although I have some online mummy-chummies and both my mum and Luke's mum have been great it's not really the same, it was really nice to meet other mums, and their babies.

Edward thought it was quite fun too, I think. He had a good look at the other babies, it was quite amusing when I sat him opposite the only little girl that came as she started giggling, he just stared at her looking mildly surprised, while all of us mummies laughed at the pair of them!

After the group broke up I walked back a little way with Charlotte towards her house, and then as it was so sunny and nice I walked the rest of the way home.

Across the rest of the afternoon and evening a few e-mails have been sent out by the girls who came and it seems like everyone had a really good time and the plan is to all get together and do something together again soon.

When I got in Mr Vince was here playing puters with Luke. I changed and fed Edward and had some food, then went for a nap, stupidly I thought it would be nice to take Edward with me and snuggle, however he just wriggled and wittered and was generally a monkey so in the end I rolled over to get away from his kicky legs!!

When I woke up I warmed up the spicy chicken bake for Vince and I which we both ate. I was still hungry after though and so Luke and I were naughty and ordered BAD fried food hehe yummy yummy mozzarella sticks..... lots and lots of creon for me :o)

Telectroscopes and Dinner Parties

Well it's been another few exciting days.

Monday we had Andy and Chris over for dinner. I made nachos and cheese, followed by fajitas. We had a pretty chilled out evening ,though we were all so tired that we kind of sat in a bit of stupour by the end!

Tuesday I had clinic. It was great to see everyone and they were all very excited to see Edward. he had marvelous time lapping up all the attention. My lung function is holding steady around the 35% mark however we've decided to add in another drug to try and calm my asthma down, with the long term aim of getting me off steroids.

Wednesday we went to see the Telectroscope. It's an art installation based on the child-hood dream of being able to dig a tunnel right through the center of the Earth and coming out of the other side.

This fantastical contraption is the end of the tunnel that apparently goes from London to New York. You can look down it and wave at all the Merkens the other end.

I had hoped to be able to arrange to time a visit with out family that live in Brooklyn so that we could wave at each other down the 'tunnel' but it wasn't possible in the end, so we just made do with the random people that happened to be there at the time. Unfortunately Luke's hayfever was so bad that we had to head home straight away as he was miserable and in a lot of discomfort.

I left Luke at the tube station and headed off to Camden to finish off getting the last few bits for my planned dinner party. I took Edward with me so that he got more time out of the house looking at the world. Popped into the umpteenth chemist we've looked in, in recent days and FINALLY found poor Luke some flixanase so hopefully that may make him feel a bit better.

Then to the thai shop which is absolutely fantastic and very reasonably priced. I managed to get everything I needed and stock up on coconut milk as our local supermarket is always running out. The staff there are also all really nice, friendly and helpful.

We then stopped in at a little organic cafe and I had some very yummy tomato and basil soup. Edward had a bit of a lay down on the sofa while I ate. We also got a chocolate muffin to take home to Luke to cheer him up as I'd snapped at him and been a bit mean because I was annoyed that he was ill!! I know I know terribly unfair, coming from me of all people, I just get annoyed with his hay-fever constantly stopping us from doing things, but then in the grand scale of things it's nothing compared to what CF stops us doing so I shouldn't be so nasty.

Some other people sat around the sofa's with Edward and I. Edward thought the woman in the group was fantastic because she spoke in French, he got all excited and started jabbering away to her, it was very cute. Not even six months old and already bi-lingual clearly :o)

I then had to put Edward back in the sling, which was a bit of a nightmare as the very kind people sat with us tried to help! I know they meant well, but I got all flustered and embarrassed by the fact it looks so complicated and like you are going to drop your baby when you put it on, and so it ended up being the most dodgy tie I think ever done, but it was enough to hold him on till we got home so it kind of worked.

Today has been equally exciting. I had meant to go to the baby-cafe but didn't in the end as I had a bit more of a read of their website and found out that if you aren't currently breastfeeding and seeking breastfeeding support then they don't encourage you to come and advise you seek a different group. I was a bit disappointed as I'd hoped to go along and meet some other mummies, but I shall find another way.

I have decided it is time to wean Edward, I have tried to give him some rice-crackers the last few days but he hasn't been remotely interested and so I bought some butternut squash and some sweet potatoes which I pureed and froze this morning, I also did some apple.

However I didn't really have time to feed the purees to him, and didn't do it at the right moment in the day, and so in the end just decided to see what he did with a rusk.....

The answer.....spread it all over his face, legs, sleeves, tray, carpet..walls!!! haha I'm joking about the walls, but everywhere else was fair game!!

It was VERY cute and amusing, however prompted me to go out and buy a scoop bib as it became apparent that cloth ones are no use with food!

We first went to John Lewis to see if they did them, they didn't but we did get him a doidy cup which I may try out tomorrow. I almost got him some PVC matting but when I called Luke to ask him what colour to get he said not to get one as it would be a pain to wipe down, and that we could just sit his chair on the table and wipe that instead. I remain unconvinced but we will see how it goes, and hopefully not trash the cream carpets in the process.

We then went to Boots and got a scoop bib, and a variety of porridges, baby rices and rusks as I had a bunch of vouchers. I did debate buying Edward a different teething ring as most of the ones we have are too big for his mouth, but in the end decided I'd spent too much money recently and that he could make do with what we have for now, especially as ice-cubes wrapped in a hankie are the best thing really and practically free.

After I'd finished faffing in there and admiring other tiny babies that made Edward look huge, I went to HMV and met up with Luke and Vince who'd gone to buy Company of Heroes so they could play together. Then a quick trip to The Ginger Pig (the best butchers in the world!) and Waitrose before heading home. It was by now about 5pm and I had to get cracking on the dinner so it would be ready in time.

The menu went as follows...

Starter

Thai Prawn Crackers
Thai-Marinated Skewered Chicken
Home-made Sweet Chilli sauce and Home-made peanut sauce
Spicy Coconut Soup

Main
Thai Red Duck Curry with Coconut Rice

Pudding
Lemon Torte
Lemon Sponge Cake

It all took quite a while as it was the first time I'd cooked most of it, and I made everything including the curry paste from scratch, however it was well worth the effort as it was utterly gorgeous :o)

It was also fantastic to have Raj over, as it was the first time we've seen each other outside of hospital for about 18 months! He is such a fantastic friend and ALWAYS visits me when I get stuck in, so it was nice to be able to return the favour and make a big fuss of him for a change.

All in all a lovely evening spent with our gorgeous friends....and to top it off Raj bought me *cough* sorry EDWARD a present :o) It's a very funky cube that makes lots of noise and has lots of different textures on it no doubt it will keep me *cough* sorry EDWARD amused for hours hehe!!

Picnic's and Swimming Trips

Yesterday Edward-Tedward and I went to the park with Alex and Faith and had a yummy picnic, even Edward had some, he tried the pitta-bread and some carrot, he didn't really eat either but sucked them very convincingly.

In the evening Aaron came round for a bit, though was stressed as he was having problems with his girl and about to fly out to Hong-Kong to represent the family at his grandfathers funeral. That aside though it was lovely to see him, and he had fun playing with Edward.

Today very excitingly Edward went swimming for the first time. I had really hoped Luke would come, but he felt too ill in the end so we left him sleeping. Thankfully the life-guard was really nice and took some photos for us so the moment is forever captured :o) We swam for about half an hour then Edward got a bit cold and tired, so we got out and he had some milk and then went to sleep and stayed that way for most of the day!

I then did some bits and bobs round town, before coming home and having a rest :o)

A lovely day in the sun with Aunty Shellie

I meant to tidy the house this morning but got utterly distracted into planning for my dinner party tomorrow, well I thought it was tomorrow, turns out it's actually next Thursday, but at that point I was still blissfully unaware of this fact and so Edward-Tedward and I headed out into the sunshine to buy in the bits I needed leaving a very poorly Luke sleepily dying of laryngitis at home.

In need of wooden skewers I headed to Woolies, who I also thought, quite correctly, may sell baby sunglasses. After trying on all the ones they had we finally settled on the ones in the above photo, tempting as the Spiderman ones were we thought that at five months old velcro straps were going to be alot better than plastic ones.

The supermarket didn't have everything we needed so we headed up to get the bus to Camden. As we sat waiting Aunty Shellie called to ask if we were still on to meet up for lunch. I'd totally forgotten about it, but said 'of course' and that I'd meet her down by Marble Arch in about 20 minutes time. I nipped home to change Edward and pick up some of his milk then up to Marble Arch where Shellie was waiting.

We decided to go out for lunch and started looking for a nice place round where we were. Nothing really took our fancy, and by that time we were almost level with our flat, so I took Shellie in to see it. She liked it lots, though as we arrived the oxygen man was also there so he gave me my new cylinders which are not liquid booo!!

Mummy called while we were there to ask how Shellie's appointment at the brain hospital had gone. The doctor decided that she just had a very severe type of migraine, (the type that makes you lie bed bound in a dark room for almost 4 months straight!) and that he had a few drugs he could try, however he didn't know why she was getting all of the wierd symptoms that she gets and he can't offer her a follow-up appointment for 8 months even though he would like to see her sooner. Grr it's such frustratingly crap service, it makes me realize how lucky I am being looked after by the Brompton.

After I'd suitably showed off my lovely new (though still very messy) flat we headed out to a nearby Thai place I'd seen in my scout of the area that I did when we moved in. It was VERY tasty and very reasonably priced, the staff were all lovely too and made a big fuss of Edward. He had such a good time that he started to drool!!!


After lunchie munchies we decided to wander down to Hyde Park, which we did, it was very lovely. You just don't realize how big it is, and it's amazing how you can be in the center of the city and yet just see trees, it's fantastic :o) We just both kept exclaiming that we couldn't believe how nice the park was and that it was so close to my house. We eventually came to the lake where we had a nice long sit down, we also had lots of fun looking at the geese and ducks :o)


We then mooched very slowly and in a very lost fashion all the way to Victoria!!! I can't believe how far I walked, but like I said to Shellie seeing Sam waiting for her transplant and tragically not making it combined with my horribly low lung function has made me even more acutely aware that I have very little precious time where I will even have half a chance to wander about as freely as I do now, all too soon I'm going to be tied down to a wheelchair by oxygen tubing permanently, so few and far between as days like today may be I'm going to do my up-most to enjoy them.

Once at Victoria we went to Costa upstairs to get a drink and wait for Simon to finish work. I did wander off for a bit to see if I could buy some milk for Edward as he was getting hungry, but nowhere sold it. Simon then arrived so I sent he and Shellie home, and resumed my original plan to go to Camden and get the last few bits for the meal tomorrow.

While on the bus I got a call from Luke to say the gang were coming round as agreed and when was I going to be back as they were going to be there in 20 minutes. I don't actually remember remotely agreeing they were coming round today haha but then I don't appear to have a good grasp on what I've arranged of late so it's quite possible! I was unfortunately already on the bus to Camden and though I abandoned my plans to go there it meant it took me ages to get back as I had to go a very convoluted route.

The gang were already here by the time I arrived. We spend the rest of the evening chilling and chatting, and ordered some yummy noodles from a place recommended by Vince. Karolina got very excited as Luke helped her with her WOW account so now she can play all summer while she's home in Poland missing Vince, and Rabia entertained us with tales of how she was planning to work in immigration and decline the entry of all Canadians to the country!!

It is most certainly now time for sleepies......goodness knows if my legs will actually still work when I wake up tomorrow!!!

Drinkies With Cousin Emily and Duncan

I'd actually lost track of when we were supposed to be having our drinkies with Emily as Luke had 'arranged' it, and I'd actually thought it was going to be the day after, however when Emily texted to check it was still on for today I agreed as Edward is due jabs tomorrow and I didn't fancy taking him to London after those as he's often crabby.

It got to quite late in the afternoon before we headed out. I was tired and scared of getting more tired when out, as I often do when I haven't left the house/hospital for a while, however I knew we'd enjoy it once we got there. I contemplated putting in my hair extensions, but didn't really have time in the end, so just shoved in my purple streak (which Andy noticed later without prompting, good Andy!)

The journey up was uneventful, though we kind of dreaded leaving the tube at Great Portland St. as it was peeing with rain. However the pub was really close so we just went for it and actually didn't get too wet. The pub was really nice, and we each got a drink as we thought it would be a while before Emily and Duncan arrived.

Actually they weren't long at all, and arrived before we'd even sat down. We were seated in the corner on the sofas. Edward had some milk and then lots of cuddles and bouncing with Emily who may be his new biggest and broodiest fan! He then decided daddy cuddles were better as it gave him a much better position for eyeing up the waitresses.

We chatted about lots of things, but mostly the complexities of the Greatham family politics and our planned move to London. We had thought that another one of the cousins from Ireland was going to join us, but he couldn't in the end, which meant we never ate more than nibbles, (discovering that shocking Luke likes hummus!) but overall it was a really fun evening out, and it was a shame when we had to head home.

The plan is for Emily to have Edward at the weekend so we can go flat hunting, they are planning to take him to the park, maybe in his buggy, maybe in his sling, which should be fun :o)

Note - sadly when I tried to arrange viewings they wouldn't do them at the weekend, but as we are hopefully going to be living in London soon I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for Edward to go and play with his favorite cousin!

A Response To The Wordpress

Dear You

I want to write to you today, I cannot justify nor untangle my reasons why. I want it to be selfless and comforting to you, though I suspect it is only a means to comfort myself.

I read what you write, whenever you post it, and though I often phrase long passionate replies in my mind, I rarely write them. I don’t know why I do that either, which leads me to think that maybe today is simply the outpouring of all of those previous unwritten sentiments.

I love you and have since the first time we met, though it is something I strive to forget because it is so absurd, yet, every so often it flares like a bright flame cool and utterly precise and unquestionable in my mind and I miss your company as a friend even though I never truly had it.

All of this spores from what you wrote, leaks out from all the things you didn’t write. I hate it when you are fake, when you gloss over and edit out in order to please your public, in order to make it more palatable. It strikes me sometimes you are trying to be as inspirational as Emily who decorates everything with pink awe inspiring glitter. You are not her and you do not need to try. You are something darker and colder, depressed into a state of cutting weariness by the very fabric of what you are and it makes you one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever witnessed. It makes you more like me.

I dislike the strained metaphors, but take strength from the true ones. I admire the harsh honesty you inflict upon yourself the most. I suppose it is quite vulgar of me to take such solace from the observation of you torturing yourself with the ideals of who you want to be, but I conclude that I as do it to myself constantly it is equitable.

There seems to be something harsh about criticising your thoughts when they are so personal and yet so freely proffered, however you are an artist whose entire profession is constantly measured by people who know little, and like to think they know much, so in that fashion this all becomes quite fitting.

You wrote to me some time ago asking about my new life, I never responded because I didn’t know how to. I wanted to enthuse about knowledge and adventures however whenever I sat to compose all that came to me was the distinct sense that you wanted to hear how hard it all is so that you didn’t feel so alone, and like you were missing out on so much.

I have learnt a lot here, there are whole wild days where I can feel erudition flowing into me until ever border along the fabric of my being is overcome with an ecstatic saturation whereupon it is all I can do to hold myself together and not shatter with insurmountable glee!

There are other days when I spend long glittering hours staring out of high windows wondering exactly how far it really is to fall, and if perhaps it would be best to let my broken body shatter spectacularly upon the pavement with pools of viscous blood gathered around me like blooms, rather than continuing upon a path that is so utterly refuting of it’s end destination.

I like both equally.

Most days however possess no extremes in any direction, they just lull into a sustainable reality that glows with my love for Luke and that focuses upon little besides what time are lectures, what time is dinner, and have I completed the treatment chart that I have so ambitiously and judgementally laid upon my desk. I am surrounded by friends who love me and acquaintances who respect me. My life is probably more perfect than it has been for a considerably long time.

I am content but admittedly unsettled, the eternal pessimist, I am waiting for it to crash, I am waiting for my world to become like yours, and question languidly to what extent I am forcing it in that direction.

I feel like I am on hold, like this is just a process to become something else, and yet it is taking everything from me and at the end I may not actually be capable of dealing with the responsibility of what I have become. Yet I love it, more than anything else I have ever done and feel like my whole life has been a sole-minded journey to the point I am at now. Incongruously that makes me feel incredibly set and determined, I have found my purpose and a clear set ideal of what I am to become and the path I must walk to attain it, somehow that makes the walking all the easier.

I want to ask you not to give up hope, I want to ask you not to let your inspirational writing sink into a method of counting down to an end you don’t believe you will reach – however it seems crass and unfair, hold your hope where you feel it truly belongs, and let your writing continue to document your tenuious life with the cutting brutality I have come to love.

Smile through it darling, for me it you are succeeding in your aspiration to make sense of it all.

My Eternal Love and Respect

Toria